I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
