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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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