what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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