dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
