So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
