dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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