He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
