I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
