I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
