He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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