Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
