I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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