If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
