eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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