Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
