You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
