Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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