Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Me too!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
