Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
