just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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