you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
