dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
