i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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