yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
