I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
