so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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