Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just cropdusted the office
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
