I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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