So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
