I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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