if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
