atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
