As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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