I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
