Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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