apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
