you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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