U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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