we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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