he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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