Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
