my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
