lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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