Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
