BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
please don't ironically join a cult
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