I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
