apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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