How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
