never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
