So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
