This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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