he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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