you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
