don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
